2017 NFL Recap: Boobs, Injuries, Suspensions and Catches

Hello and welcome to the first blog of which should be a wild ride of blogs to come.  I am not going to be your typical blog writer. I will have errors, because I don’t give a shit, and very little filter.  If you are a listener of the Loaded Box Podcast you will pretty much be reading exactly what you hear from me, except you can picture my voice being much more clear and sexy instead of sounding like I am locked in R Kelly’s closet.

To be honest, 2017 was a garbage year in the NFL and next season is almost guaranteed to be twice as good.  Hopefully you are lucky and get to end the year with a bang like Ezekiel Elliot on a roof in NOLA or a pool in Mexico.  If I had to take a wild guess, Zeke is banging a girl named Katrina, because he loves being in dangerous waters.

Let’s start the recap with Zeke or “E.E. CUMmings” as I like to call him.  This guy came into the league and got an immediate target on his back over an alleged domestic dispute.  How does he set himself up for success after this?  Flash some girls tit for the world to see.  Seriously  though they were in New Orleans partying. My guess is those tits saw the world more than 1 time that day.

After that debacle, Zeke got the Tom Brady treatment.  Suspended, not suspended, suspended, not suspended and then finally suspended.  I don’t know if that’s how many times it was I was just sick of typing suspended. Once again, Zeke proves he is changing by traveling to Mexico and partying his ass off.  I swear to God if this fucken guy doesn’t party with Johnny Manziel at some point in the near future, his entire career will mean nothing. Could you imagine a better pair? (No pun intended)

Next thing you know injuries started to spread trough the NFL like the swine flu. Honestly, the only injury that mattered in the landscape of the league was, The one and only, Aaron Rodgers. When he went down, the awareness for spousal abuse in the state of Wisconsin shot up to Threat Level Midnight.

Then there were the lesser injuries that pretty much no one cared about.  Guys like David Johnson, Odell Beckham, Deshaun Watson, Carson Wentz, Andrew Luck, Dalvin Cook and most importantly… Rex Burkhead.  Personally, I am happy these injuries happened because we, as NFL fans, got to see some guys shine that normally don’t get the change.  I love watching Brock Osweiller, Brett Hundley, Big Dick Nick Foles, and Jacoby Brissett do things with a football that we have never seen before. Each one of these guys secured their careers as solid CFL starters and I couldn’t be happier for our neighbors to the nort.

Then this whole catch debacle came up.  To be honest with you I think the Patriots are behind the entire thing.  It seems as if the biggest question mark catches come in games they could have lost but didn’t because some Voodoo trainers put a hex of the football now that they can’t deflate it.  I mean how is the “butt catch” a thing but Kelvin Benjamin gets 2 feet down in the endzone and that’s ruled incomplete.  I guess in the year of Donald Trump the “Patriots” would get away with some fake news and calls that the refs definitely got “WRONG.”

Toast to next football season when we get to see Josh Rosen throw a temper tantrum on the floor of the NFL draft stage when the Browns select him #1 overall. Toast to the 2017 season which was more entertaining than any other season in the history of football in its own, unique way.  Toast to Zeke Elliot for bringing us titties when we feel down. Toast to the one and only God, Aaron Rodgers, whom shall heal that chip in his shoulder and conquer the world. And toast to you reader for making it to the end of this blog. Cheers.

 

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